Looking back on the past decade

All over social media people are reviewing their last decade and looking back at all the significant events that have happened to them and their family.  From an outsider’s perspective, my last decade was great. I graduated nursing school and became an RN, I married the love of my life, we travelled, we adopted our fur babies, we bought a house, I fulfilled a dream to help deliver babies and work with kids with special needs in Tanzania, we followed an incredible job opportunity for Shaun and moved to Houston where we fell in love with our new life, we lived in many different homes, and best of all we had two incredible kids. 

For me, I struggle thinking about the last 10 years. It was 2010 that I suddenly developed these chronic migraines, and life has never been the same. When I look back, all I see is a giant black cloud that tainted everything good in my life. I see a disease that took away my career and my independence. It took away my drive and ambition. It took away my 20’s which are supposed to be a time for adventure and self exploration.  It took away the places I could have travelled and explored. It took away countless social events and time with friends and family.  It took away developing new deep friendships.  It took away anything that required a commitment. It took away time and special moments with my babies.  It took away living life, and instead I was just getting through life. It took away knowing who I was. Who am I other than with a headache? Medication side effects even erased two years from my memory and caused speech issues and difficulty with word retrieval.  It made me feel like a burden and gave me incredible guilt. It made me recluse and introverted.  I see a disease that took too much from me. 

So instead of looking back and seeing all the pain and loss of the 2010s, I need to look forward and be hopeful that the 2020s make up for everything I lost the previous decade.  There is so, so much GOOD in my life and I really am thankful.  I just need to figure out who I am.  The best part is, every day since my surgery I am seeing that big black cloud lift a bit higher.


Cheers to 2020!


xx