For me, I struggle thinking about the last 10 years. It was 2010 that I suddenly developed these chronic migraines, and life has never been the same. When I look back, all I see is a giant black cloud that tainted everything good in my life. I see a disease that took away my career and my independence. It took away my drive and ambition. It took away my 20’s which are supposed to be a time for adventure and self exploration. It took away the places I could have travelled and explored. It took away countless social events and time with friends and family. It took away developing new deep friendships. It took away anything that required a commitment. It took away time and special moments with my babies. It took away living life, and instead I was just getting through life. It took away knowing who I was. Who am I other than with a headache? Medication side effects even erased two years from my memory and caused speech issues and difficulty with word retrieval. It made me feel like a burden and gave me incredible guilt. It made me recluse and introverted. I see a disease that took too much from me.
So instead of looking back and seeing all the pain and loss of the 2010s, I need to look forward and be hopeful that the 2020s make up for everything I lost the previous decade. There is so, so much GOOD in my life and I really am thankful. I just need to figure out who I am. The best part is, every day since my surgery I am seeing that big black cloud lift a bit higher.
Cheers to 2020!
xx